Spirit & Heart

“I remember when you used to…”

Anytime I hear my wife say the above, I know she will follow it with something I once did but don’t anymore—things like opening the door for her when she’s getting in the car or entering a store or coming up behind her and putting my arms around her neck while we’re shopping.

My wife has a memory like an elephant and recalls many things I’ve long forgotten. Among them is how our relationship was when we first married. I tell her our relationship has matured. She thinks, Now that you’ve got me, you think you don’t need to do those things anymore. We’re probably both right to a degree, but we must work to maintain healthy relationships. Valentine’s Day can remind us of our responsibility.

Paul gives a list of instructions for husbands and wives. Some women don’t like the submission part, while some husbands take issue with loving their wives enough to die for them. But Paul prefaces the instructions with a command for mutual submission. Doing this requires building blocks.

Mutual love and submission entail intentionality. If I’m not intentional or determined to love my wife as Christ loved the church or to submit to her as I desire her to submit to me, it won’t happen. Anything important requires our undivided attention.

Thoughtful words and actions are essential. My wife loves to hear me tell her I love her, but she wants to see love in action. Holding her hand, opening a car door, giving her a card, kissing her first thing in the morning—all little things that mean a lot.

Honesty is also critical. Dishonesty will wreck any marriage or relationship. I know. I’ve been on the receiving end of dishonesty, and it leads to a dead end. We build trust in small ways over many years, but one wrong move can destroy what it took years to build.

Additionally, faithfulness is a must for healthy relationships. It follows on the heels of honesty. In the marriage ceremony, I promised faithfulness to my one wife until death parts us. No good reason exists to break that promise as long as I’m in the relationship.

Yet more important than any other block is including God. Relationships that exclude Him are headed for failure from the start.

Use the correct building blocks to erect healthy relationships in your life. 

From the beginning of the school year calendar to the end of the session, I do the school runs for my kids. It’s an activity I have come to imbibe and am now used to. Occasionally, I offer lifts to school children and their parents who are going in the same direction as I am.

Looking into my rearview mirror, I see gratitude, peace, and rest written on their faces—even if not voiced. I have saved them from the scouring sun or the daring rain.

God mandates that we should not get tired of doing good, so we should keep showing kindness to people around us—an attribute of Christ’s life.

Many may feel disappointed and hurt by the same people they help, but our consolation is that we will reap the proper reward for every act of kindness we have done. We can show kindness to different people in various ways.

Reflect on situations and circumstances that have kept you from showing little acts of kindness to others. Christ wants us to be Christlike. Show an act of kindness to someone today.

Lydia was different. Raised by a severely strict grandmother, her social skills were awkward. In the 1960s, she wore 1950s-style dresses. Mama always purposefully loved Lydia. That is why I was appalled as we rode to Vacation Bible School that day, and Lydia said the unthinkable. The unkind. The embarrassing. “You stink!”

I cringed. Lydia now held her nose and fanned her face. “Mrs. Nell, your breath stinks.”

I wanted to pummel her goofy face into the ground. I pushed Lydia hard with my elbow but felt Mama’s soft fingers gently wrap around my tensed arm.

Mama simply turned to Lydia. “I’m sorry, honey. I’ll bring a mint tomorrow.” Then Mama reached over and hugged Lydia.

Lydia smugly tumbled out of the car, but before I could exit, Mama whispered, “Wait a minute.” Her melted chocolate eyes shined with kindness. “When I was a little girl, kids picked on me unmercifully singing, ‘Nellie Gray sits in the hay.’”

 I was so ashamed.

“Did you know that Lydia’s grandmother butchered her pet duck and served it for dinner?”

 I was appalled.

“There are things you don’t know about people. Hurting places that make them do hurtful things. Just be kind. It pleases God.”

That day, I understood something. A child who was taunted by her classmates let those hard things work kindness into her soul. I wanted to be like her—to share love as thick as honey, to love fiercely, unrelentingly—like a warrior set loose with a weapon of kindness that could change the world.

In the classroom, Lydia sat alone at the table. I patted the seat beside me, and she ran over, eager to be included. Lydia didn’t realize she had said hurtful things that day. She had no idea I was already picking up my Mama’s weapon, ready to change the world.

Think of someone in your world who is misunderstood or marginalized. Ask the Lord to show you how to offer kindness.

We choose how to approach the day. We can anticipate that good things will come or fear the worst.

My old self lived a life of caution, believing I prevented whatever might come at me next. I did not see that this fearful mindset wasn’t protecting me. Instead, it kept me further from my protector. Entertaining fear limited my faith.

Our thoughts set the tone for our hearts, and Scripture tells us everything else flows from there. We can’t afford to underestimate the importance of keeping our hearts and minds better aligned.

God calls us to frame our thoughts around Scripture. No one wants to walk through difficult times, but sometimes we must. God didn’t promise us comfy and cozy, but He does promise to see us through. He promises to provide and protect us and assures us we are never alone. God invites us to trust in Him and not be afraid. He gives us His promises so we can approach each day, sure that He has us. He gives us His promises so that we’ll depend on them, allowing us to leverage our faith. Why would we anticipate bad things when God works for our good? Regarding our thoughts, God’s promises can consume our minds so that we feel the freedom found in living a life of faith over fear.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever! This Scripture serves as a daily mantra, a declaration of what I know in my heart will come. Instead of making it about me, it reminds me to keep myself centered around God. It reminds me to depend on Him and anticipate His goodness, which I can’t earn, and to accept his mercy, which is the opposite of what I deserve. None of us know how, what, or even when. But God does, and He tells us our story comes with the best ending. He will not lead us astray. 

God is good, and He calls us to lean in. Find Scripture to hold on to that will help you level up and live a life of faith over fear. Be courageous enough to go all in. It will be the game changer you have longed for. 

I saw that the bottom was about to fall out, but I couldn’t do a thing. 

The speeding car zoomed past my driveway, a mere one hundred feet from a stop sign. The driver would soon cross a major highway. I quickly looked up and down the highway to see if the driver could avoid an accident. He couldn’t. A lone car meandered down the highway and was soon t-boned by the speeding car that ran the stop sign. The driver who ran the stop sign wasn’t seriously injured, but the lady in the other vehicle had to be flown to a nearby hospital and undergo several surgeries. She never knew her bottom was about to fall out.

Nor did those Peter preached to on the Day of Pentecost. Imagine their surprise when he used references from the Old Testament to prove that Jesus was God’s Messiah sent to save the world. Then the convicting blow when he informed them they were responsible for his crucifixion. Their bottom was about to fall out unless they acted.

How the bottom looks varies between individuals and even within the same individual. Bottoms can include financial hardships, divorces, deaths, arrests, addictions, unemployment, rebellion, unfaithfulness, etc. Our reaction to the bottoms that fall out is more important than what the bottom actually is.

The least desirable reaction would be turning our backs on God. God never allows or sends trials hoping this will happen. While He rarely clues us in on why something happened, He never intends for us to walk away from Him. He wanted those listening to Peter to turn to Him, not away.

If we let them, the bottoms will always increase our patience. Trials try. It’s their nature. God’s purpose in allowing or bringing them is to enhance our patience with ourselves, others, and Him. Patience should be a sought-after virtue. Those who learn it fare better throughout life’s circumstances.

Bottoms will also increase our faith. God rewarded those who responded to Peter’s sermon by placing their faith in Jesus with forgiveness and eternal life. Trials stretch our faith in God’s goodness, protection, and guidance. As our faith in Him grows, we’ll trust Him more and gain more spiritual victories over sin and unpleasant circumstances.

Think of how you typically respond when your bottom falls out.