Anguish. I know the feeling well. Since I was betrayed, it has been my constant companion for months. I ache for what I lost.
Betrayal hurts worse than anything else. It aches in my spirit and body, throbbing when I wake up and just before I fall asleep. The ache almost has an identity as it moans for attention and healing. My only source of strength comes from the Holy Spirit.
I am completely powerless to heal the ache. It exists and will not extinguish without supernatural intercession. Sometimes, I obsess over how to snuff the smoldering coals that fuel the ache. Some of the embers are self-inflected … anger fuels the fire.
I am in the process of forgiving this person. God convicted me that anger is wrong and urged me to let Him give me relief from anger. He will help me, even if I can’t perceive it or have any idea when the ache will stop throbbing—as the psalmist didn’t.
Searing aches can be transformed from darkness to radiance by God’s power. He is able to make something glorious from suffering, which draws me into deeper understanding of His will. He fills the anguish with healing and love. That has to sustain me for now. Suffering produces perseverance, character, and hope (Romans 5:3-4 NIV), so I am letting the ache burn rather than try to suppress it.
Painful times draw me into God’s presence far more often than happy ones. God is always present, even in anguish and desperation, and understands how deep my wounds are. He urges me to depend on His Holy Spirit to lead me moment by moment.
Turn to God in your pain. He will suffer beside you when you ache.
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