“Maybe it’s not the right time. Not meant to be, especially at your age.”
Being fifty years old, working part-time, and struggling through a sixty-hour master’s degree in professional counseling was hard enough. Not being able to find an internship made things worse. Time was running out. I was frustrated with myself because I had always gotten things done. On top of everything else, I was discouraged by loved ones and friends who told me to quit or give up. Their chatter tugged at me.
I finally gave up when I’d exhausted all possibilities. I had trusted in myself and failed. Every door I knocked on refused to let me in—and most wouldn’t even open. I relented and withdrew from the sixty-hour program and entered the thirty-hour non-licensure program.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Maybe it was time to trust something bigger than myself like the Scripture stated. I knew this in my head, but my heart struggled. Letting our own desires fall away and accepting God’s will for our lives takes enormous trust, even if that means utter silence and a time of wandering through barren places. It entails a complete letting go of our own will. That’s scary.
Still troubled in my spirit, I prayed all the way to my subbing job at a local elementary school. As I mouthed the words, “If you want me to be a counselor, Lord, you’ll have to open the doors. I have no control. I give up. You open the door, and I’ll walk through it. Or I’ll let all this go forever ...” my cell phone rang.
A local agency I’d applied to five months earlier asked when I could begin. Shocked at the timing of the call, I agreed to take the position. Seconds later, I phoned the university and changed my program again. I couldn’t stop smiling. God had been waiting for me to let go and lean on His understanding, not my own.
Have you experienced moments of testing when you were determined to figure things out on your own and with your understanding? What keeps you from letting go and submitting to God?
Trust God, and He’ll make the crooked paths straight.
(Photo courtesy of pixabay.)
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