The quiet darkness of the vacant church beckoned me.
I left my phone, entered, and locked the door behind me. Tears fell down my cheeks. No reason to be strong. No reason to hold it together. No reason to push through the emotions. I sat and poured my heart out to God. So many doubts. So many questions. So many insecurities.
Oh, I can hold it together in a crowd, and I can lead with the best of them. But most of the time, I do it scared. I step out in faith with shaky feet. I organize and coordinate with unsure hands. I offer others advice I struggle to take myself. And inside, I wonder why God would ever use me.
But I’m grateful He does. I’m thankful I can come to Him when I’m broken, insecure, and uncertain. Grateful that the fate of everything I do doesn’t depend on whether I’m confident, but rather if I’m obedient.
I got on my knees in the sanctuary that morning and offered God my scared, unworthy self. I didn’t know how to navigate the road ahead. I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. I didn’t even know how the next five minutes would look.
And that’s okay. Some days are like that. Some days, we feel weak, tired, and weary, but that doesn’t mean we are disqualified. It just means we still step out in faith, even if our legs are unsteady. We still offer our lives in service, even if boldness is the last thing we feel. We still say yes, even when we doubt and wonder why.
Ask God to give you the strength to follow Him, even when you’re scared.
(Photo courtesy of pixabay.)
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