I discovered I exhibit certain behavior when discussing finances.
I feel hurt inside and get teary-eyed. Since there was no cause for the tears, my behavior was unusual. I knew something on the subconscious level was happening. Eventually, I stopped and asked, “What is causing this?” A memory came.
When I was a young girl, I learned that I may not have been wanted because I was “another mouth to feed” and money was scarce. Thank heavens, the thought of my non-existence was opposed by one of my birth parents. So, here I am.
Just as Eve faced consequences for disobeying God, so the consequences of my knowledge have impacted me negatively my entire life—even though I wasn’t fully aware of it. I knew I experienced anxiety around the topic of finances, even when it involved another person. The lack of funds or the inability to give or contribute financially to others was equal to being unworthy or being a failure. And there is the root of it: unworthy in the eyes of those who matter.
The bad news is that I am now fifty years old, and the deeply hidden, false feeling of unworthiness has had many years to intertwine itself around my heart like a briar patch in a neglected lot. The good news is that I am much wiser about handling misguided, deeply-rooted negative thoughts. Now, my goal is to uproot this thorny invasion and cultivate a healthy, true mindset about my worth as it relates to money.
We may have bad memories in the deep, dark recesses of our mind that we are not aware of—except for their manifestation in particular behavioral patterns. When these behavior patterns emerge, we must ask, “What is causing this?” Getting to the roots of these thorny memories helps us weed out the bad lies and cultivate the beautiful, colorful truth in its place.
Don’t let bad memories ruin your good thoughts.
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