Pornography destroys trust and intimacy in a marriage.
I experienced the agony of betrayal in my marriage. Life as I had known it crashed down on me. I discovered my husband’s infidelity with his pornography/sex addiction in our marriage of thirty-one years. The person I loved and trusted the most in the world betrayed me.
I am not sure I have ever felt anything so brutal and painful. I felt an array of feelings: shock, isolation, shame, anger, fear, pain. It was as if I were alone in the wilderness—hopeless, frightened, and unsure of my direction. I was confused.
My mind spiraled all over the place. I felt as if I were going crazy. Being injured this way carries with it devastating consequences that cause profound spiritual, emotional, and physiological wounds that impacted me to the core.
The psalmist says God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. But I never thought I’d be where I am. I never imagined I could recover from this pain, nor did I ever think I could speak with clarity of what God has done in mine and my husband’s life. Yet through this trial, I developed an intimate relationship with Christ. I have seen God work miracles in my husband and in me, and our marriage has turned around.
I still have those trigger moments when I fall back to my old ways of rage, anger, and pain. I allow intrusive thoughts to hijack my mind and the lies to surface: I am not good enough; I am worthless.
The triggers are not as fast and furious and happen less as I realize my identity in Christ—I am loved, accepted, and complete in Jesus Christ. Through a renewed faith in God, the Holy Spirit began a healing journey in our marriage. We started trusting in God.
My husband and I have grown through this pain. We are now open with each other and put God first in our marriage. God has faithfully been with me every step of the way. Through this journey, I have taken to God’s Word daily, journaling any thoughts He gives me. His Word becomes alive and new every morning.
Don’t believe Satan’s lies when you are wounded. Let God heal your broken heart.
(Photo courtesy of pixabay and Vika_Glitter.)
Dr. Jacqueline Gannon is a graduate of Southern Connecticut University. She has been a nurse for more than thirty-four years and has a background in medical-surgical, diabetes education, and oncology nursing. Dr. Gannon believes in giving back to the community and is active in the West End Food Bank, a subsidiary of Second Harvest Food Bank. In addition to her role as a nurse, she loves spending time with her husband and family, including her three grandchildren, and several dogs and horses. She also enjoys volunteering in children’s ministry and sharing her love of Jesus Christ.