Like every summer of my teenage years, I volunteered at my church’s VBS alongside my family, friends, mentors, and pastors. At the same time, my chronic illness grew worse.
The first time I could not complete the VBS week, I bowed my head. The second year I had to leave, a few tears escaped. The third time, I wept.
That third year, I collapsed on the bathroom floor. The chronic illness, like so many times before, took my ability to move. I lay motionless on the cold tile floor, waiting for strength to return enough so I could stumble over to the office for help to get home. Again.
I heard the children’s laughter as the cold seeped through my clothes and my shoulder pressed into the tile. Frustrated tears ran down my face as I realized I had let my family, friends, mentors, and pastors down once again. I demanded of God, “How long, O Lord?”
Sometimes, when God gives an answer we don’t want, we think He has not answered at all.
The book of Habakkuk begins with the prophet asking, “How long, O Lord?” He prayed against the injustice he saw in Judah, especially the violence the rich and powerful did against the poor and weak. God answered by saying that He would judge those rich and powerful oppressors by raising Babylon to destroy them. Habakkuk responded with yet another prayer, asking why God would punish His people with a nation even more wicked than they. Then Habakkuk positioned himself to watch for God’s answer.
When we pray, we often only look for the answer we want. God may speak, but we do not hear. I did not hear God on the floor of the church bathroom because the only answer I looked for was healing. Yet the answer He gave involved my heart.
Like a ship in a storm, I allowed the waves and tides of others’ opinions to determine my course. God desired me to sail His calm waters instead—to free me from being tossed to and fro by people’s approval. Only years later did I learn to be still and watch for God’s answer, and only then did I hear Jesus command, “Peace, be still.”
If you want an answer to your prayer, watch for it. God will provide it.
Karyssa A. Allen has earned degrees from Wheaton College and Dallas Theological Seminary. She lives in Ohio and teaches upper school Bible while her husband, Dan, is an associate pastor at Crossroads Evangelical Church. She deeply enjoys teaching and displaying the Word of God through creative means.