"You’re not good enough."
His voice entered my mind like a sledgehammer. Instead of challenging the words, I accepted them. They had taken a permanent residence in my thinking. I knew of nothing different, and dwelled in the fiction. I hated his lies and hated myself, but day after day, year after year, the cycle continued.
I longed for more in this one life of mine. I desired peace and hope . . . desired to be alive, to breathe in the air of harmony, and to know that good enough was obtainable. I craved to be whole and complete in Christ. So I prayed for the renewal of my mind, which resulted in a mind-blowing discovery.
God created me to be myself.
The words sounded simple and as I reflected on my epiphany, freedom swam through my veins. Why was I fighting the obvious?
The answer delivered a simple message. My struggles were a sad and frail attempt to conform myself to the pattern of this world. And I failed. I never amounted to the standards and rules set for me. My standards dictated a worldly and fleeting viewpoint. My only hope existed in a complete mind renewal.
The first step in the renewal of my mind seemed easy. Accepting the problem with my thinking and acknowledging my need for help started the process. The changing of years and decades of negative thoughts and behaviors did not happen over night. A daily process of shifting through the negative and choosing to believe the positive chiseled through my mind’s layers piece by piece. Catching negative comments in my butterfly net to dissect their origin taught me to embody reality instead of lies.
Paul encouraged the Romans to stand firm in Christ and not conform to the world around them, but to transform spiritually and internally by renewing their minds and taking hold of the Father.
My husband and close friends held me accountable in my quest of discovery. Who was I and who had God created me to be? My days of listening to the world or taking advice from negative influences became less and less. Instead, I chose to listen to my inner self and trust in the sovereignty of God.
The peace and acceptance that had once felt unobtainable now rested within my grasp. I committed to living life’s fullest potential. I committed to being satisfied. I committed to finding happiness.
I became who God created me to be. Myself. Choose God and see what He has created you to be.
(Photo courtesy of www.beckyturner.com)